Txt Mssgng
by p3Teal
Summary: Poor Light! His friends always give him more than what he bargains for, but that's what friends are for right? A series of mini-plots about the Death Note cast chatting online. It may be smarter, or dumber than you think! Rated with future conversations in mind.
1. Chapter 1

** Author's Note: It's been awhile! Here is the first chapter of 'Txt Mssgng.' I'm hoping to develop these chats into a full story, or maybe make a group on one-shots. I haven't decided yet.**

**Death Note belongs to a group of people who, if they read this, might be a little disappointed. **

* * *

The sun sits high in the sky, signifying mid-afternoon, and the lassitude of Light's classmates don't pass him by. His professor has been lecturing for nearly three quarters of an hour, and he is already feeling his eyes glazing over from boredom. Of course, he never lets that get in the way of his work. Light always makes sure to diligently transcribe every word into note-form. While it keeps the young man busy, it doesn't stop the process from feeling like useless busy work.

Enviously, Light eyes the student ahead of him. There she sat, chin in hand, playing games on her laptop. A sigh escapes her lips.

She's bored? _She's _bored? She really has no right to be bored! Here is Yagami Light, a straight A student who's only taking this class for the credits, and he's _still _making an effort. He really doesn't care about...what class is this? Philanthropy. He really, _really_ does not care about philanthropy. At all.

But Laptop Girl? She needs to sit down and pay attention. Philanthropy could make or break her life someday.

And finally the professor sits down. The students were supposed to be watching a film for the last duration of class. Yagami Light puts his notes away, replacing them with his own laptop. He turns the machine on while desperately hoping he can convince himself not to compulsively check the news, so maybe, hopefully, he can occupy himself with something that wasn't just another mundane task.

Several weeks ago, Sayu had installed an instant messanger onto Light's laptop (and computer), so that she could talk to her friends wherever she felt like it. Unsurprisingly, Light noticed the application upon his computer's start-up, and instantly began to uninstall it. However, Misa demanded he keep it, saying 'it would be sooo cute if they could chat all night,' because Light was adamant that she could only text him when it was important. She gave him her screen name, 'xoxoMisaMisaxoxo,' and he had no choice but to do that same. 'HydekiRyugaLuvr.' Regardless of whether Sayu knew it, she could be really embarrassing.

Ryuzaki found out about the whole ordeal, and ended up producing his own screen name, 'L000000L,' some days later.

Presently, Light manages to somehow sift through the news only twice. With half an hour more to burn, he logs into Sayu's instant messenger. On stealth mode of course. His sister's friends are vicious.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **Offline

** L000000L:** Idle

Light glances at the student behind him, seeing that he's asleep, he clicks on Ryuzaki's name.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** Hey.

**L000000L:** Hay is for horses Light-kun.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** You know I didn't mean that. What're you doing today?

**L000000L:** Aside from solving crime? Eating orange sorbet.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** Do you need any help?

**L000000L:** Hmm, yes, I'll get another spoon. ;)

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** No! I mean the case. Do you need any help with your case?

**L000000L:** You mean the case of the Mysterious Disappearance of Sir Orange Sorbet? Because I already know the murderer. :)

_**HydekiRyugaLuvr is typing...**_

**L000000L:** Why, yes, thank you Detective Yagami. I would _love_ a drink while we discuss the case. Oh? What's that? You think we should take our indulgence elsewhere? Mmm, that does sound logical.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** Go to hell.

**L000000L:** What's that? Go where?

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** NO. I didn't mean it.

**L000000L:** You want me to go to...

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** DON'T SAY IT. I DIDN'T MEAN IT. STOP RIGHT NOW.

**L000000L:** You want me to go to _L_?

**L000000L:** Light-kun is so sweet. I would love to go!

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** I'd probably go anywhere right now. Though I don't want to know what 'L' is like.

**L000000L:** Poor Light-kun hates philanthropy. :(

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** Just a little more than you.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** :(

**L000000L:** You must be suffering.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** Oh good, we're wrapping up. Talk to you later.

**L000000L:** I'm on the edge of my seat. Wistfully, I wait, my heart lying in torment. My dear Light-kun.

Light stares at the last message, semi-undecided. His hands hover above the keys.

_**HydekiRyugaLuvr signed out.**_

At the end of the day, once Light is officially home, all of his work is finished, his preperations for the next day are complete, and he is completely free to do whatever he pleases... he is completely, utterly, _disturbingly_ bored again.

He tries to read several books. They're all favorites though, and he can probably recite every word. His mind wanders back to his classes, Laptop Girl, and the Orange Sorbet Murder. More importantly the murderer.

The young genius vaguely tries to convince himself not to sign in tonight. He has so many other things he really should be doing instead. Talking to people can, sadly, be enjoyable, but it doesn't get work done. It's almost ten o'clock as well. His sister could be talking to her friends. Although, with the hum of the shower starting, it's most likely free to use.

Against his better judgment, Yagami Light signs in.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo:** Online

**L000000L: **Offline

Light reads the one offline message directed at him, from Ryuzaki.

**L000000L:** I'm off to dress like a zany door-to-door salesman and interrogate a zoo-keeper. Not the same situation, but preferably in that order.

The young man attempts to put together either scenario in his mind and fails. Perhaps Ryuzaki is working on a stranger case than he once thought. He'll have to ask for more details when he's online later.

But for now, he has Misa. Before he could start having second thoughts, he begins to type.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Good evening, Misa. How are you?

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **you're on! 3

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **misa is sooooo good now! how're you light? ^-^ 3

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Tired, mostly. I spoke to Ryuzaki earlier today, he seems to be doing a very odd case at the moment.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **aww, poor light is tired! /3

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **and eeeeww don't talk about ryuzaki. he's such a creepy guy.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo:** he looks at you funny too. yucky funny.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr:** Misa, he looks at everyone 'yucky funny.'

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **because he's a PERVERT and a HOME WRECKER.

So Misa knows where the Caps Lock is?

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **I really don't think he's being serious though. Don't worry about that.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **misa is done talking about gross boys. _

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **What do you want to talk about?

Just like a dove flying from his hands, Light couldn't take those words back. No matter how much he regret them. He looks to his clock, deciding he has enough time, he gets up and goes downstairs for a glass of water. Perhaps a bowl of chips as well.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **and she was totally mean about it too

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **you should have been there

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **it was all, you're srsly saying that to MY FACE on a tal

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **on a talkshow?!

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **but i did the whole misamisa has noooo idea what you mean! lol

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo:** but it was still really annoying. i just wanted to kick her off her chair!

Light sits back in his computer chair and pops another chip into his mouth. The conversation seemingly on auto-pilot. As many of his conversatons with Misa turn out to be.

Eventually he gets bored of watching Misa rant to herself, and begins typing again.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo:** not that i thought i couldn't take her

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo:** i mean, i think it was the cameras that held me back

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **and her make-up was nasty too. so don't watch it tomorrow okay? 3

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **I'm sorry, that sounds like a rough day.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **UUUGH it was the WORST. ;_;

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **but misa is okay now that she is talking to light! xox 3 oxo

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Yeah, it was fun, but I probably need to get to bed soon.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Let's go on a date this weekend, okay?

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! MISA LOOOOVES LIGHT!

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **AND LIGHT LOVES MISA! YAAAAY!

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Have a good night!

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **i love you! 3

Light took a moment to calculate his decisions.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Love you too!

_**HydekiRyugaLuvr signed out.**_

* * *

**Author's Note: Well what do you think?**

**Oh, and no matter what direction I end up going, I'd love ideas for messenger names! Go ahead and PM me if you'd like.**

**And if you have any conversations you'd like to see between two characters, I'm interested in those too!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Huzzah! It's chapter two! I have decided to turn this into something relatively plotty. Thanks to everyone who's read this so far, hope you like where this is going. ^^**

**Death Note is something I did not create, but enjoy reading.**

* * *

The great detective sighs as he is finally able to end his deliriously long day. Changing out of his gray corduroy blazer and dropping it on the floor, the object now useless, he hops onto the couch. "Watari, get me all of the profiles of every employee that's been hired at Ueno zoo in the past year. One of them," he pauses to bite his thumb, eyes clouded with thought, "one of them looked familiar."

L does not like going to zoos (or circuses, but that's for a more personal bias towards them) unless he is completely forced to. Seeing as Wedy was already busy with another task he had assigned her, and Aiber needed to attend his son's kindergarten graduation, L had no choice but to go to the dirty animal prison himself. He really doesn't care for the animals, but the fact that everything is bacteria-ridden and smells foul. Take that, wrap him in an itchy corduroy blazer, add a dash of humidity, and you have a recipe for a very uncomfortable, _very _irritable young scholar.

But never mind all of that now. L has completed his shower, Watari is doing all that he should, and he is now nestled very comfortably in the middle of the couch. All that he's missing is a blueberry parfait and his cellphone, which is probably in his coat pocket.

Glancing at the gray heap of cloth on the floor, he makes an effort to reach it with his foot. Almost, but not quite there.

"Watari, see if my cellphone is in my blazer would you? And I would like a parfait. Blueberry," he mumbles while opening his laptop.

The elderly man stifles his frustration with the younger one. Looking in his direction, the coat isn't more than five feet from the detective, but he's moody from having to be outside for so long, so it's too much work for him to reach it.

Watari finishes printing out the documents L had requested and sets them next to his laptop. He then promptly makes a show of turning 180 degrees and bending slightly to pick the coat from the floor as if to say: See? Look how easy that was!

As it turns out, it isn't that easy. Turning the coat over in his hands several times, he can't find the cellphone. He fishes through every pocket and even pulls them inside-out just to make sure. No cellphone. In fact, all of L's candy wrappers were missing too. The coat is completely empty.

"How...mysterious," Watari finally says aloud.

L's head turns while he continues typing, "What do you mean?"

"Sir, you don't by chance have the phone on your person do you?"

The detective looks away, "Yes Watari, I prolonged my parfait so you could look through an empty jacket. It's an act of adoration on my part. I wanted an excuse for us to be closer."

Unable to hold it back, Watari sighs. A simple 'no' would have be sufficient. "Yes, sir, I apologize, but now I must ask where you have last seen your phone."

"At the zoo, but I put it back. You have something in your pocket, by the way."

"Sir, shouldn't you be more concerned?" Watari asks while looking through his own pockets.

"In the back. On the left."

Generally he only uses the pockets on his coat. He uses them so often that he had forgotten that his slacks had any. Embarrassed, Watari checks his back pocket and finds a folded scrap of paper with a large 'L' written on one side in green crayon.

The elderly man feels around the paper for anything sharp or potentially dangerous. After finding that the paper is only hazardous in the way that it may give you a paper cut, he hands it to the detective.

The note read:

_Lollipop,_

L stops reading. He already knows the note is from B, that B took his cell phone, and that there is only a twenty percent chance that he would find any definite clues of B's whereabouts from the paper.

Nonetheless, he _should_ continue. He'll play Backup's game until he can find his weakness and strike. He'll have to turn the cellphone off too, even though B would already have the contact information ripped off of it. It's just an extra step to annoy him at this point.

The note read:

_Lollipop,_

_ If my calculations are correct, and they always are, then by the time you read this, I will have the third phase of an incredibly long plan completed. Simply turn on your instant messenger, and we will talk there. _

_**Beyond **__Birthday_

L isn't surprised that Backup managed to escape his asylum. It actually sounds like the young man's natural reaction to being tied down, especially physically. The biggest questions at this point are whether B created this case to attract L to Tokyo, or if he's merely using the case as an opportunity to jump in. And, of course, he's wondering what his _enormous_ plan is.

"It's from Backup. He would like to chat online," L gives the older man the note pinched between his fingers. "Before the parfait, I would like you to shut down the cellphone and track his IP address. I want this to be over as soon as possible."

"Yes sir," Watari hurriedly attends to his own computer.

Taking his time to check his email and to send his reports to the police, L eventually logs on.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Offline

A window pops up to inform the detective that 'StrawberryDaiquiri13' would like to add him to their messenger list. He allows the request to go through, and a messenger window appears shortly afterwards.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Lonely! How are you?

**L000000L:** Lonely, apparently.

L usually spends quite a lot of time on emoticon placement for Light-kun's enjoyment, and since Backup never needs any added entertainment in his life, he's not sure if he will put in that kind of effort. It will have to depend on the situation.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Aww, poor Loveless. :c

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Guess what though? I have an idea that will pick you right up!

**L000000L: **You thought of a new Machiavellian plot to destroy L and all of his credibility?

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Yes! You know me so well. It's almost like we're the same person.

**L000000L: **Care to explain anything?

_**StrawberryDaiquiri13 is typing...**_

**L000000L: **I would hate to leave you out of an evil, mustache-twirling monologue.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Well, I'm sad to say the monologue isn't until phase thirteen...but I CAN say that each phase until then will be just as fun!

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Have you tried checking my IP address yet? C:

L looks to Watari, "Have you found him yet?"

After some typing and a brow furrow, "He must have a technician working with him this time. It keeps tracing me back to our network. So no, I afraid not sir."

**L000000L: **Yes, and may I have a moment to tell you how clever you are?

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **I'm all ears! CB

**L000000L: **Sorry, the moment passed too soon. I couldn't catch it in time...

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Oh, it must have slipped through your fingers! They're rascally little fish aren't they?

**L000000L: **Quite, and I'm not much of a fisherman, so I doubt I'll be heading back to the Compliment River any time soon. The waters are much to rough for me.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Did we just make an EXTENDED METAPHOR together? Look Listless! Look at our little baby of symbolism! Isn't she beautiful?

**L000000L: **Just as beautiful as your cell mate if you can't plead insanity again.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Aww, lets not be all pessimistic. You're supposed to be my role model. :C

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **AFJSDLNJFDULKDJ

**L000000L: **Make sure someone holds your tongue. You can choke on it during a seizure.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **No, sorry about that. I just got really excited again.

**L000000L: **I'm not sure why I feel disappointed.

**L000000L: **Try having a seizure. I want to see if I feel better.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Don't worry, in the long run, you'll be having excitement seizures too! Or normal ones...but that's plan C.

**L000000L: **What's plan B?

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **KAHKDHHDAHKL

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **THIS ONE! CX

What happened to plan A? He could ask, but B probably won't tell him, or deny it's existence. He'll say that he started with plan B, or something similar.

**L000000L: **What happened to plan A?

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Well, you know how A's go. They die. C:

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **You know that, don't you?

That reaction...was a tad unexpected.

**L000000L: **So that means plan B is completely over dramatic, like that of a child throwing a tantrum? And plan C involves over the counter drugs and Stockholm syndrome?

**L000000L: **I'm not sure if I need your monologue anymore. You can skip to phase sixty, where you get arrested. :)

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **I always wonder why you're so bitter. C:

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **Let's see...yes on the over dramatic part. Tantrum? No. Plan C needs to be fleshed out a bit more, but I would say you're in the right field.

**L000000L: **Ah, well then, may I ask a question?

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **I'm dying to know what you don't know.

**L000000L: **Is this conversation part of the plan? Somehow, you plan to break me down with emoticons and internet memes?

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **No, this was entirely optional. I just wanted to chat.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **And with that, I must be off my dear Last. Although it's been a year, it feels like we've spoken only yesterday.

**L000000L: **Thank you for the enlightening conversation.

**StrawberryDaiquiri13: **HOLY UP!

_**StrawberryDaiquiri13 signed out.**_

The detective sits back from his laptop and notices the blueberry parfait for the first time. He picks up the spoon and begins to demolish it. A silence envelopes the room, only interrupted by the constant click of L's spoon against the glass.

"Sir? Did he want anything in specific?" Watari eventually asks.

L finishes the dessert before answering, appearing deep in thought.

"He wanted to gloat."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated!**

**Oh, and I don't drink, and I'm not sure how much time Beyond would acutally spend in a bar, but I thought the name fit him in a sense.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the feedback! It really does keep me motivated. This chapter is a bit shorter than the last, but it should even out with all these WORDS I'm putting up here. Geez, the nerve of me!**

**Anyway, we're back to Light in this one.**

**Death Note was created by two guys with really similar sounding names. Tsugumi Takashi and Obata Ohba. Don't mix it up!**

* * *

The week's progress had been slow and uneventful. Light continued to excel in his classes, almost to the point that it's baffling as to why he doesn't have a Ph.D in Life. It's like he goes to class to torture himself. He must be a masochist.

Even the weekend was turning out to be a huge bore, with Sayu leaving to a sleepover and Light having to go on dates that last forever with Misa. It's not like anyone wants to chit chat with Ryuk. That wouldn't be any fun at all! He's not lonesome or anything. Sure, Ryuk has apples, and they're pleasant company for a little while, what with their cute eyes, button noses and absolutely _adorable_ smiles! Oh wait, is that Ryuk's reflection? Daw, Ryuk, you're so cute! No wonder you have so many friends!

Aw, now Ryuk's lonely again.

He'll be dammed if he talks to Sidoh though. That guy has got to be the most annoying thing Ryuk has ever met. All he talks about is, 'Where's my Death Note?' and 'Ryuk, you promised you'd give it back!' and 'No, Ryuk! Don't throw apple cores at me!' and 'Stop laughing at me! Why are you so mean Ryuk! Waaaaah!'

Well, Ryuk wouldn't be so tempted to throw trash at you if it wasn't so funny Sidoh. Kind of sounds like your fault doesn't it?

Oh well, Sidoh is in London anyway, and Ryuk doesn't want to take all that time out of his busy schedule.

He could go on Light's dates with Misa. Then he could tell Rem really old knock knock jokes, but she never laughs. She's like a wet blanket covering a stick in the mud. That, and he'd have to watch Misa and Light _snuggle, _and _hold hands, _and _kiss,_ and laugh at Light while he _begs for mercy._ Aside from a few funny bits, going on dates is pretty boring too.

Ryuk could always...kill people? But that's just it! Ryuk can always kill people. Like, whenever he wants! No trouble at all. He'll do it right now!

One...two...three...four...five...six...well, whenever forty is. Or was it thirty-five?

Well, either way they should be dead soon enou- oh cool! See? Ryuk counts to fifty, and that guy dies. Completely uninteresting.

"Ryuk?"

Oh thank Paganism Light is home.

"LIGHT, I KILLED SOMEONE. YOU SAID I WOULDN'T BE BORED AND I KILLED SOMEONE 'CAUSE I WAS BORED," the shinigami yells in the boy's direction.

Light flinches at the sound of Ryuk's screech. The monster seems to have lost all volume control since he came from the shinigami realm. It must be strange having very few people able to communicate with you. He would rather Ryuk not go back though. He needs the Death Note, and even though he has yet to use it, he's just waiting for the right moment.

Some time ago, at the beginning of his last year in high school to be exact, he helped a young detective solve a case. That detective, Ryuzaki, is actually the great detective L. Around that same time, he met Ryuk and got acquainted with the Death Note. Now although Light is a tad torn on murdering a close friend of his, he is certain that abolishing all criminal activity in the world would do humanity some good. For this reason, he has attempted to remain internally at arms length with Ryuzaki while pretending to get closer to him at the same time.

It's... actually more difficult than one would imagine. The young man is brilliant, and provides some very intellectual conversations to the table. Light will learn his name someday though. Then he can kill him. Hopefully.

Back to reality though, Ryuk is screaming again.

"What? Ryuk!" Light takes a deep breath, "Ryuk, _STOP SCREAMING._"

Sprawled across the boy's bed, Ryuk's eyes wander over to Light, "I'm trying! WHY IS IT SO HARD. MAKE ME STOP SCREAMING LIGHT. I'M SO BORED. GAAAAAAAH."

"Let me buy you some apples!" he offers, eyes closed, hands covering his ears.

"I ALREADY HAVE APPLES. YOU PROMISED I WOULDN'T BE BORED AND I AAAAAM. HURRY UP BEFORE I KILL MORE PEOPLE."

Hearing sirens outside, Light rushes to the window to see Mr. Fujiwara get packed into an ambulance. He _did_ hear Ryuk killed someone earlier, but Ryuk kills people to live. It's something Light tries to not think about.

The young man closes the curtains and turns, "You _killed _my neighbor because you were bored?"

"Yes," Ryuk answers as he folds himself into another impossible position.

Feeling a cold sweat forming, Light sees the severity of the situation he's in. He brought home what he thought was essentially a puppy that kills people. He knows now that Ryuk is more of a puppy mixed with a two year old who, whenever he has tantrums, kills his neighbors.

Wonderful.

Dad probably should have gotten him a dog or something.

Dogs are hairy though...

Anyhoo.

"Ryuk, you can't kill people because you're bored," Light explains, " If you keep killing my neighbors, L will find me before I even have a chance to change the world."

The shinigami sits up on the bed, "But Light, I have nothing to do, AND SEE I'M SCREAMING AGAIN. I CAN'T HELP SCREAMING. I'M SO BORED. THIS IS YOUR FAULT."

Massaging his temples, Light tries to make his ears stop ringing, "You know those are some insane logical jumps there right?" He glances to the monster, "Okay, never mind. I'll find something for you to do okay?" He tries to give a smile, but his lips run out of gas and there isn't a gas station for miles.

The genius looks around the room, being held hostage by a shinigami that will kill an innocent person if he's not entertaining enough is fairly nerve wracking. He used to have a Rubik's Cube, but that's probably in Sayu's room now. He threw he stress ball out the window all too long ago, and Ryuk doesn't seem like one to play fetch anyway.

"I could...how about we..." he starts and stops, eyes drifting around the room. Eventually, they settle on his computer.

"I have a plan," he sits in the computer chair and reaches the tower to turn it on, "Just a moment Ryuk."

The shinigami looms over the college student while he accesses the internet. Watching him type really isn't what Ryuk wants to do either, but he'll be patient for just a little longer. He does hope it's worth the wait though.

"Alright," Light looks over his shoulder to grin at Ryuk, "You can talk to people on this website if you want. It's completely anonymous, so you don't have to sign in or have an email address or anything. I probably would go around saying you're a shinigami though."

Light gets up from the chair to allow Ryuk to sit, "See?" He reaches around him to click a few things on screen, "All you have to do is click this tab, then this button. There! You're able to talk now!"

The young man stands back to marvel at his handiwork while Ryuk sits dumbfounded. Light thinks he can talk to humans on this thing? But it's not a human. It's more of a...well it's more of a not-human if Ryuk had to explain what this was to anyone.

Seeing that it couldn't hurt, Ryuk tries typing. His gangly fingers are more of a hindrance than anything with the tiny buttons though.

**You:** AJGJKASBJBGSJKL,D

**You:** JHSM,YETFJIK

**Stranger:** What?

Light pulls Ryuk;s hands a few inches away from the keyboard, "Try it like this."

**You:** HI HOW R U

**Stranger:** ...Uh, fine?

**Stranger:** How are you?

So Ryuk _is_ speaking to humans! Aha! Life as he's known it will never be the same! Looking to Light, his smile grows a disturbing amount, "THANK YOU LIGHT, hyuk hyuk hyuk."

"No problem," he returns the smile, "I'm going to take a shower. Stop touching the computer if anything goes wrong, okay?"

Seeing that Ryuk is too busy typing to reply, Light leaves the room relieved that he found a solution so soon.

**You:** I AM GOOD

**Stranger:** This isn't your native language is it?

**You:** U R FUNNY GUESS WHAT

**Stranger:** ...

**Stranger:** ... ...

**Stranger:** I give. What?

**You:** IM A SHINIGAMI

Matt pulls away from his computer, "Hey Mello, I'm talking to a grim reaper. I'm almost positive it's a pedophile, but what should I ask him?"

Silence.

Mello puts a finger in his book to save the place, then looks to Matt, "What?"

"I got into a random Japanese chat site so I could practice speaking natively. I'm talking to a pedophile grim reaper man. I wanna pretend to be jail bait for him. Advice?"

The blonde looks thoughtful for a moment, "Oh, me so horny?"

Matt grins, "That is gold, my friend."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! You make good company.**

**Just like last time, leave a review if you'd like!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's**** Note: ****Chapter four! And things are more or less just as confused as they were earlier!**

**Thanks to LifeTheNinetails for inpiration on Matt's username.**

**Death Note does not belong to me, or DOES it?**

* * *

_**StrawberryDaiquiri13 signed out.**_

Beyond spins in his swivel chair, his feet are bare with one knee tucked into his chest. It's nearing midnight and he hasn't turned the light on yet, or bought groceries...or changed out of his stolen zoo uniform. None of that matters though. None of that matters because today was absolutely fantastic. Everything is working out so perfectly Beyond just wants to tell someone. The crazy part? Hold on for this one, it makes him laugh every time:

He's already told L! The very person that he's emulated for _so long_ is now sitting, tortured with the thought of what Beyond might do next. L is finally the dog while Beyond holds the ball. Will he throw it? He will, eventually, but that's around phase ten.

A grin of pure, utter delight spreads across his face as he peels himself from the chair. Why would someone use drugs when this kind of euphoria exists? Sure, he could go across the street and make trail mix out of the pharmaceutical section. It would give him the same feeling a couple times a week, but the cost would be ghastly. That would rob him of his precious brain cells! Not to mention the price of those shopping sprees would rake up a hefty bill after awhile.

Shopping.

Shopping.

Oh yeah, grocery store.

Beyond makes his way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothing as he walks. He'll have to burn that uniform later, or put it back where he found it. It depends on how much he wants to go out of his way for Ueno Zoo. They seem pretty well off, so he might stick to...

The young man takes a deep breath. Burning. Burning. Burning. Burning. L. Burning. Burning. A. A. A. A.

Another breath.

He's good now! Post traumatic stress disorder mostly avoided!

What was he thinking about? Oh yes, he'll have to put that uniform back to where he found it. Using a flaming instrument to induce destruction could be a potential safety hazard.

Beyond finds that he is already in the bathroom, staring at the sink. He makes an easy effort not to look into the mirror. He has yet to dye his hair or buy any new make-up to look like an insomniac. The only thing he does in the cosmetic area is apply a toner to his face, neck and hands to mask all of his scars. After all, you can't pass off as a civilian when you look like something akin to Two-Face.

He had to dye his hair brown today though. He had a date with L, and he always makes sure to look his best for him. The dye wasn't permanent, but the smell made him strangely nostalgic for the past he thought he hated so much.

Standing under the shower head, the genius watches the brown dye run down his torso and into the drain. He remembers the same view when he was ten years old. A had found him meticulously coloring his blonde hair with a black permanent marker. He was sitting on his best friend's bed at the time, so it's no wonder that he found him doing it. After arguing, wrestling on the floor , and some biting on B's part, he finally relinquished the marker. A couldn't make him take a shower though. He needed the dye to dry and settle into his roots. Roger found out after A, tattle tale, went to get him, and the rest is self explanatory.

Odd, Beyond never thought he would miss ol' Roger.

"And don't you come out until you're both clean! _Understand?_" Roger yells into the boy's shower room. "I swear, you kids do this on purpose. If you want to spend time with me, you don't have do get called to my office to do it," his voice drifts as the door slowly closes.

Laughter erupts from two shower stalls. The boys inside them carry on with washing the paint off their arms as if it didn't give them another fifteen page apology to write.

"The common room looked a lot better before we had to clean it," Matt comments.

Mello chuckles, "Yeah, paint-filled balloons really make a room abstract."

"It's not like we hurt anyone either. Sunday's are boring, and the staff should provide us with more things to do. Or give me my Gamecube back. Either or, I'm not picky," Matt feels around the shower floor with his foot. "Uh, Mello? Throw me your soap please? I don't wanna pick mine up."

The blonde sighs and grabs the bar. His arm tenses to throw it before stopping, "What're the odds that you'll catch it?"

There's a pause before Matt's reply echoes over the water, "None?"

"Eh, I'm keeping it then."

The room grows silent again as the two of them are left to their thoughts. An idea strikes Mello, and he can't help but ask.

"Matt, are you still wearing your goggles?"

A snicker comes from Matt's stall, "Of course! It's one of my goggles' many secret abilities. I've never once gotten soap in my eyes," he boasts.

"Ew, that's kinda gross." He ventures, "Have you ever washed your eyes?"

"No, I have never once washed my eyes. That's why they have blackened with age and sin. You shall never see mine eyes, for they may turn your heart to stone-"

"Okay I get it."

"-and your first born will be conceived after you watched a really terrible movie. And-"

"Okay I'm done, Matt."

"-Your doctor will forge your signature to name her Matt's Goggles, but that's not the worst of it!"

Mello swipes the bar of soap and throws it over the wall in Matt's direction, "You can _stop_ now!"

The bar flies past Matt's shoulders and drops to the floor, "Aw, I was just getting to the part where Near was gonna be your baby's godmother."

Mello thinks for a moment, "Who's the godfather?"

"I was thinking Roger or Wammy."

"No!" Mello interjects, "Make it L, or someone to off-set all the Near-ness."

"Nope, sorry," Matt laughs, "It's the curse of Matt's Goggles."

After the shower, the two of them return to their room. Both boys sit at their desks, but for entirely different reasons. Mello is getting a head start on the reading he'll have to do for the week, and Matt is logging in to talk to 'Pedophile Grim Reaper Man' as he's taken to calling him, or 'Pedo-gami,' combining 'shinigami' and 'pedophile,' for short.

**GamRdood: **What's up?

**APPLE: **HELLO HUMAN GIRL

**GamRdood: **I just took a shower. ;3

**APPLE: **WHAT DOES THAT MEAN YOUR SYMBOLS ARE CODES TO ME

**GamRdood: **They mean we're friends! lol

**APPLE: **I LIKE THE HUMAN GIRL TOO

**APPLE: **YOU LOOK LIKE A GLOWING METAL PORTAL WITH WORDS IN IT

Yeah, Matt is _pretty _sure this guy is a basket case, but he can be interesting to talk to. From what he can figure out, the guy has severe schizophrenia. Like, Pedo-gami is lost to the world at this point. Matt hopes his roommate, Light Bulb, or whatever calls a hospital or something. Actually, light bulbs don't have hands, so...

**GamRdood: **What did you do today?

**APPLE: **NOTHING I AM BORED

**APPLE: **WHAT DID HUMAN GIRL DO

**GamRdood: **I threw paint balloons around a room with my friend. :P

**APPLE: **HUMANS ARE HILARIOUS TELL ME MORE

Man, schizophrenia sounds rough. Didn't C have it or something?

**GamRdood: **Uh, I had to take a shower afterward, and my friend threw a bar of soap at me?

**APPLE: **THAT IS SO FUNNY

**APPLE: **LIGHT IS HOME HE IS EATING HUMAN FOOD WITH HUMAN RELATIONS

**APPLE: **THEY ARE FAMILY

**GamRdood: **I didn't know light bulbs had family! o_O

**GamRdood: **Tell me more shinigami-sensei!

**APPLE: **THERE IS A HUMAN GIRL CUB AND TWO OLD HUMANS

So Pedo-gami plays house with light bulbs? Is Matt Pedo-gami's only extension into reality? He hopes he has a roommate, this guy is weird. Or on drugs. He could be completely out of his mind from all of his LSD. That seems like a solid theory there, Matt. Good going, man.

**GamRdood: **That sounds pretty strange. Do all light bulbs look like people when you're high? What do lamps look like, clothes?

**APPLE: **I REMEMBERED WHAT I DID TODAY

**GamRdood: **What's that, amigo?

**APPLE: **I KILLED HUMANS

Matt pulls away from the screen slightly, as if the words are dangerous. Light bulbs? Did he break a light bulb today? He couldn't have...

"Mello," the red head turns his chair to look at his friend, "Come look at this for a minute."

Mello puts his hand up, telling Matt to be quiet until he finishes the page he's on. "What do you want?" He looks over, slinging an arm over the back of his chair.

"I need you to read this," Matt gestures to the screen. "I'm wondering if I need to hack Roger's computer, so I can send L an email about Pedo-gami."

The blonde's eyebrows pinch at the mention of L. Matt never talks about anything remotely related to the man. Sensing this might serious, he stands from his chair and strides across the room. Clapping a hand on Matt's shoulder, he leans over him and reads through the chat log.

Matt stares at Mello's intensely concentrated face and waits for when he's finished before asking, "What do you think?"

Mello's eyes lose all recognition, a sign that he's thinking deeply. Another moment passes before he starts blinking regularly again, though Matt didn't expect the smile on Mello's face.

"I think we should pay him a visit. Good job Matt, you solved L's case."

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**Thanks for reading! This chapter was a bit more serious than the last ones in my opinion, but it'll go back to funny. Funny is it's roots.**

**As always, tell me what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Thanks to all the reviews and followers so far, you make my day! We're eventually back to Light in this one. He hasn't been the main focus for awhile, but he has been mentioned every chapter. That I just noticed!**

**Enough rambling. Disclaimer time.**

**Disclaimer: I think Death Note is a pretty cool series. That's why I write fan fiction about it.**

* * *

Matt pulls Mello's hand off his shoulder, "You can't be serious, Mello. What makes you think I solved the case in the first place?"

The blonde crosses his arms. Matt notices his eyes gleaming in the way they do when he's about to make a brilliant deduction or hash out a revenge scheme against one of their professors. "Well you see, Matt," Mello smirks, "I make it a hobby to keep track of L's cases, as I'm sure Near does as well, and I've come up with a criminal profile for the Door-toDoor Killer in Japan."

"And you think Pedo-gami has something to do with it?" the boy asks.

"Yes. Wait until I'm finished," Mello makes his way back to his desk and swipes the chocolate bar from next to his reading lamp. "The killer, as his name implies, is going door-to-door as a salesman. From some business cards, the police have found that he's selling a wide variety of things, from shoes to candles and sewing kits, but there is one item that he sells above the rest," Mello pauses to unwrap the candy. He takes a careful peek to make sure Matt is still paying attention, "And it's light bulbs. I've done the math, and it seems that at least forty-five percent of the time the Door-to-Door Killer sells light bulbs, " Mello punctuates his speech with a loud crack from his chocolate bar.

Silence.

Matt stares at his friend. Mello stares back.

"Oh," the gamer finally says.

"_Oh?_" the blonde's nose scrunches while his eyes squeeze into a glare, "What do you mean, '_Oh?_' "

Matt pulls one of his legs onto the chair, "Well, it's just...cool. Like, 'Oh, now I see what you mean,' or 'Oh, so Mello isn't going off of ungrounded theories. I thought he was just looking for an excuse to get out of Wammy's for awhile," he says with his cheek pressed to his knee, fiddling with his sock.

Mello makes a noise that sounds like the love child of a snarl and a grunt. "Of course I have resources to back everything up. I don't just fly off the wall and jump to the first conclusion I come to. Seriously Matt, I'd like to think I'm _fairly_ level-headed."

Matt snorts.

"What?" the older boy challenges, "I can be calm! Matt! Matt, _stop. LAUGHING_," he grabs a textbook with his free hand and hurls it at his roommate's head.

The book lands with a bang on the wall near the red head's computer. Matt, in his effort to avoid the collision, pulled his arms and legs up which caused him to topple from the swivel chair. "Augh, ow-ow-ow-ow!" he yelps as his knee jams into one of his goggles.

He sits upward, purple bruising already showing on the skin around the lens.

"Pffft-" Mello laughs, "Did you just give yourself a black eye?"

Matt watches his friend laugh at him while he sits on the floor. He glares before standing up, "You threw a huge book at me! What did you expect me to do, take it?"

The blonde wipes tears from his eyes, "I dunno, but I didn't think you'd hurt _yourself_ instead!" he continues laughing through another bite of his chocolate bar.

Matt closes in on the older boy. Grabbing his shoulders, he looks deep into his eyes, "Mello..."

Shocked at Matt's sudden shift in attitude, Mello stumbles backward slightly, "W-what?"

"I hate you."

Matt swiftly pulls his head back and slams it into Mello's. Both boys scream as Matt's goggles dig into his friend's eye sockets. They both pull away, alternating between rubbing their eyes and foreheads.

Sniffing, Matt pulls his goggles off to relieve the tension there, "Ha! You have _two_ black eyes now!" He laughs.

Mello groans, "Well so do _you_. All I did is throw a book, prick. You didn't have to make me look like a raccoon."

"You deserved it."

"Eh, whatever." Mello sighs and brings the candy bar back to his mouth.

The boys jolt at the loud knock at their door, "What're you two _doing_ in here?" Roger says as he sticks his head into the room. "Oh goodness, I wish I had a camera," the man laughs.

"Quiet Roger," they turn their heads away.

Light feels his phone vibrate again. Ryuzaki has been texting him constantly in the past day or two. Oddly enough, he never has anything in particular to talk about. Nothing ever stands out in their conversations, nor is there anything out of ordinary about them. The only thing of note is he's texting him from a new cell phone, but seeing as he's the "world's greatest detective" he must change his phones out from time to time.

The young man pulls his phone out.

**New Message: Ryuzaki**

_**I was thinking we could meet up this weekend. You can bring Misa Misa Amane if you'd like.**_

Strange.

Light has never taken Ryuzaki as the lonely type, seeing as he never likes going outside, so this is a change of pace for him. Perhaps he wants something in particular?

**RE:**

_**That sounds good. Would Sunday be alright with you? I'll have to see if Misa is available.**_

And she will be. She'll probably want to go on a date then anyway, so throwing Ryuzaki into the mix should provide a nice distraction from all their hopeless love for each other.

Light sighs and puts his phone away.

"Who're you talking to Light? Is it Misa again?" Ryuk asks.

It seems that daily computer therapy is working out very nicely for the shinigami, "No, it was Ryuzaki again. You could tell me his name, you know," he glances to the monster. "Then I could start my actual plan. Trust me, it'll be far more entertaining than this."

Ryuk twists his head, and Light cringes at the audible 'pop' sound that comes from his lower neck. "Nah, I wanna see you get it. That'll BE MORE INTERESTING. Sorry."

The young man rubs one of his ears, "It's alright. I know you're trying."

His cell phone vibrates.

**New Message: Ryuzaki**

_**Sunday sounds appropriate. I will meet you at Pop-Top Cafe at ten.**_

Although it would be helpful if Ryuk gave him Ryuzaki's name, Light does feel as if he might be close enough for the detective to tell him himself. If worse comes to worse, he might have to fabricate a situation where they have to rely on each other. Perhaps they can get caught in the rain far away from shelter...or get chased by a bear.

Geez, where would he get a bear around here? It hasn't been raining very much lately.

Oh wait, bears are dangerous.

Damn.

**RE:**

_**Okay, I'll see you then. I'll warn you though, Misa will probably try to take you clothes shopping again.**_

The duo finally reach Light's house. The long walk was tiring after a long week, so the sight is welcoming. "I'm home!" Light calls as he takes off his shoes.

"Light! Why does it take you so long to get home?" Sayu yells from the living room. The TV is on, and the melody of a Misa Misa hit single drifts into the hallway.

Light's phone vibrates.

**New Message: Ryuzaki**

_**Misa Misa**_ _**Amane may buy me an outfit if I may choose one for her in return. What does Light-kun think?**_

Sayu makes her way out of the living room and bumps into Light while he types his reply. "Oof, sorry, I didn't see-" she looks at her brother's arm hanging at his side, "Did you buy apples _again?_ Didn't you do that yesterday too?" She asks.

Her brother looks at the grocery bag in his hand. He had forgotten to feed them to Ryuk before coming inside, "Ah, well, have to keep the doctor away somehow right?" he tries to laugh.

"Yeah, but you eat the cores too," she shoots back while settling back into the couch.

"Only goblins look in the trash, Sayu," Light yells as he walks upstairs.

"Hey!"

Light closes his door.

_Click._

"Don't eat the cores if we're at home, Ryuk," he says quietly, his eyes glued to the phone.

"Aw..." Ryuk flops on the bed.

**RE:**

_**For one, and don't take this too personally, but you're kind of two steps BELOW unfashionable. Your shoes look like you stole them from a beggar. Two, Misa will think you're going to choose something skeezy for her to wear, and three, if you DO choose something skeezy, I'll have to gouge my eyes out. My virtue is special to me. It's safe where it is. **_

The phone vibrates while Light is undressing, but he waits until he is dressed and has all of his books put away before answering.

**New Message: Ryuzaki**

_**Ah, Light-kun is like a Sleeping Beauty who does not wish for a prince to rouse him from his slumber. And no offense taken.**_

Light smirks.

**RE:**

_**Precisely.**_

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**No**** rambling here! Review if you'd like!**_**  
**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: A little longer than the other chapters, but I finally got around to the story again. **

**Just in case anyone is confused, this is an alternate take on Death Note, where Light had worked with L on a case just prior to him finding the notebook. Since they're already acquainted, he's being a little more careful on when he wants to use it.**

**Okay, action!**

* * *

Light settles on his bed, comfortably (and stylishly) dressed in a green cashmere sweater and slacks, to prepare for his study-thon on all of next semester's material. It's better for him to study for all of his classes now, while he has the time. After all, he may find himself busy with the task of managing the new world in the next few months. His meeting with Ryuzaki and Misa this weekend will get him one step closer to the inevitable. He will have your name, L. You may not tell him this weekend, but he will give you ample opportunity. He just needs a bear, mace, and a Segway.

They can get caught in the rain, too, or some other cliché scenario. So many options...

What if they get chased by a bear in the _rain_?

The quiet sound of Ryuk clicking on the keyboard, sprinkled with a few subdued chuckles, resonate throughout the room. The house is calm, and Light's future is looking bright. Slowly, Light leans back to get more comfortable, pulling a thick textbook onto his abdomen. The cover reads: _The Art and Science of Philanthropy_, and before the young man has a chance to begin loathing himself for taking the class, his eyes drift closed.

Light can see himself standing, his hair divine, wearing clothes uniquely tailored for him alone. Any person who looks upon him, their god, is immediately filled with a gratitude that's unmatched to any other they've felt before. Tears travel down their cheeks as they silently fall to the ground, for they have no words to compliment the happiness they feel, but they're also crying because of the heart wrenching sadness of knowing that, once their god is out of their sight, they will never be able to replicate it.

All too soon, Light feels someone shaking his arm, tearing him from his dreams of success and grandeur. Though, one doesn't need to call them dreams if they're nearly reality, so correction: Light was sleeping while subconsciously thinking about the future.

"Light-kun, wake up now," a familiar voice calls while tugging on the student's sleeve.

His eyes snap open completely, knowing that there is absolutely no reason for him to be hearing this voice in his room. "R-Ryuzaki?" Hearing the uneven tone of his own voice, Light immediately takes a calming breath and pulls his arm away from the rumpled detective. He clears his throat as he sits up and emits a very official, but elegant air about himself.

"Ryuzaki, can I help you? And may I ask what you're doing in my room at this hour?" He asks politely while taking a subtle scan of his room for Ryuk. Strangely, the shinigami is nowhere to be found, but it seems as if he figured out how to turn off the computer. Light feels a small brush of pride in his chest. He assumes it's akin to the feeling of teaching your dog to fetch, or tricking Sayu into thinking she has school on Sunday. The detective drops his head into the genius' field of vision, a semi-irritated look ironed on his face.

"I would tell you, Light-kun, if you would pay attention," he replies before itching one foot with the other.

Light smiles pleasantly and wonders where Ryuzaki gets off being mad at _him_, when he so rudely dropped by. "Sorry about that," a laugh, "I'm all ears now. Is it something about your salesman case? Did you need me for something?" He guesses.

Ryuzaki pulls a thumb to his mouth, and Light notices how soaked the older man is. His shirt clings to him slightly, the water making the cloth transparent. He sees how the detective makes no move to get his dripping hair out of his eyes.

A thought strikes him.

"Is it raining outside?" He asks, looking toward the window. With this luck, he might be able to get L's name today!

Wait, wait no. They'd have to get caught in the rain together, dry each other off in some abandoned house, assuming they'd be able to find one, and through some sort of tomfoolery, L will trust Light enough to tell him his name. It's an interesting plan on its own, but not exactly thought-out. Oh well, he'll have to consider that plan out for the moment. At least he knows the dry season is over.

Light manages to snap out of it enough to see L pulling his shirt off in front of his open closet, "Ryuzaki! I really don't appreciate you using my clothes without asking," he informs the detective irritably.

Ryuzaki grumbles in return, "Well I tried my hand at conversation with you, but you weren't paying attention." He pulls on a pale blue sweater. Frowning at the tightness of the sleeves and collar, L pulls at them until Light hears stitches popping.

"H-hey, Ryuzaki! My clothes are really expensive, don't ruin them like that!" He yells. Getting up, Light crosses the room and digs in the closet. "You need to take a bath, or you'll catch a cold. Why didn't you just grab a shirt?"

Looking half-drenched and completely uncomfortable, L tries to put his hands in his wet pockets. "I was cold, and the sweater was the first thing I saw. I didn't feel like looking in your closet to find something that fit my style, Light-kun. I just want my clothes dry."

Light sighs, "Well we don't have a dryer here, remember? They consume too much energy. If you want your clothes dry, you'll have to call your butler. You still need to take a bath, by the way."

L chews on his other thumb, the first one being low on nail, and makes a 'tch' sound. "I didn't realize Light-kun was so uncreative. He should know that a hair dryer will suffice, and no, I don't need a bath, thank you," he answers while analyzing Light's bookshelf.

The younger man stares for a moment, slightly lost at the suggestion. "You want to dry your clothes with a hair dryer," he blinks.

"Yes."

His eyebrows pinch, "I…don't think that will work, Ryuzaki."

"If Light-kun has ever been snowed in a cabin with six women from a sorority, one of them being a murderer, he would know that this would work," L states simply, slowly walking out of his room to the bathroom.

Light blinks again, but makes no further argument. He makes his way back to the bed and moves the textbooks over to his desk.

The sounds of Ryuzaki rummaging through the bathroom cabinets for a hair dryer faintly bounce into Light's room. He realizes that he can't hear anyone else in the house, and checks the clock for the first time.

11:23 PM.

He feels a ball of anger forming when he sees how late Ryuzaki came to visit, but he banishes it to the small, black place in his heart that's never heard of the word forgiveness. He's going to handle this in a mature and collected manner, just like he handles everything else. This might even be important, if he walked all the way here in the rain. Ryuzaki might need him for something.

The detective walks back into the room, hair dryer in hand.

"I thought you were going to dry your clothes in the bathroom."

L picks up his shirt from the floor, "I was, but I can't talk to you from there, unless you want to sit in the bathroom with me. You're more than welcome," he glances at Light.

The student's face pinches for a moment, "Ah, no thanks- wait, Ryuzaki, you still haven't told me why you're here," he says sternly. "It's rude to wake up my family this late, you know. Why couldn't you call me?"

"I'll tell you in a moment, Light-kun," L sighs. "I would appreciate some coffee, thank you for offering."

Light wishes he hadn't thrown that stress ball out the window last summer. Ryuzaki's head looks like it would've been put to much better use. He sighs heavily as he heads toward the door.

L looks up from plugging in the hair dryer, "Oh, and I'd like some sugar too… and cake," he adds.

Hands clenching as he walks downstairs, Light battles with the desires to be passive aggressive and being a good host. Ryuzaki isn't being a very good guest, but that doesn't mean Light has to treat him the same way. In the same light, Ryuzaki isn't being a very good guest, so he shouldn't expect Light to jump to his every beck and call.

Decisions, decisions…

Light decides to make L his coffee, but leave out the cake. He should have brought his own anyway, if he figured he was going to want a snack while he was here.

Walking upstairs, he can hear the hum of the hair dryer from his room. By some miracle, L had been thoughtful enough to close the door before turning it on. Light opens his door, and quickly closes it again.

_Click._

Damn it. He probably needs to stop habitually locking his door every time he closes it. Did Ryuzaki hear it? Will he hear it if Light tries to unlock it again? Light keeps a hard gaze on the cup of coffee, his hand still resting on the doorknob.

"Light-kun, why did you lock the door?"

Damn it. Just say it was an accident. Say it in the most casual, 'I don't lock my door all the time, and I don't have a notebook that murders people' way as possible. "Well," he laughs, casually looking to the detective, and stops short. "Ryuzaki, what on Earth are you doing?"

Sitting crouched in the middle of the floor, L is wearing nothing but Light's sweater and his boxers. One arm is wrapped around his legs while the other one is drying the clothes. "I am drying my clothes. I was ninety-nine percent sure you were aware of that, Light-kun," L replies, a puzzled look on his face.

"Well, yes," Light looks around the room for somewhere to place L's coffee, and dances past his clothes to put it on the desk. "I'm just wondering why you didn't grab any of my pants to wear, since you didn't mind with the sweater," he continues.

"Ah, excellent observation, Light-kun," L looks down to his bare legs and back to the college student. "It seems that I was so absorbed in getting my clothes dry, that I didn't think to completely clothe myself in the process. I apologize if my appearance is offensive to you," L says while stretching the sweater over his legs and curling his toes into it.

Light stares in horror as his sweater is permanently ruined, then notes that Ryuzaki shouldn't be allowed near anything he finds valuable ever again. "You're buying me a sweater on Sunday," he glares, sitting on his bed.

"Hmm," the detective hums thoughtfully, his mind elsewhere.

Light lifts his leg, but before he can kick Ryuzaki on his side and watch him squirm on the floor, his phone vibrates.

**New Text Message: Amane Misa**

_**LIGHT! It's all wet and gross out here! OPEN THE DOOR! XOXOX**_

Blinking in confusion, Light gets up and promptly heads downstairs. First it's Ryuzaki, now Misa is coming over. It's like they're having a sleepover, and no one told him about it. He sighs, but puts his boyfriend face on, hoping he can explain why Ryuzaki is half naked in his room.

Opening the door, he doesn't see Misa. He's actually not quite sure what he's looking at, since it's so dark and huge. He takes a small step back. His eyes travel upward, revealing the form of a grizzly bear standing on its hind legs.

Light screams as it roars and takes a swipe near his chest. Tearing his way up the stairs, he rips his door open and slams it closed again. He tries to lock it, but he can feel pressure from the knob on the other side, as if the bear is trying to shoulder its way into his room.

"_Ryuzaki_! Get up, there's a bear in here somehow!" he screams at the detective.

"No, Light. There's something much more important than that right now," Ryuzaki stands up and makes his way over to Light, staring at him intensely all the while. "In case this bear bests me in copiera, I need to tell you my name."

Light panics as he feels the door giving to the bear's force, "_W-what_?"

L takes a deep breath, "My name is LIGHT GIVE ME APPLES NOW I'M GONNA LOSE IT."

Light screams as he bolts upright in his bed, a cold sweat lightly dusting his forehead. He hastily scans the room for bears or L. Finding neither, he looks to Ryuk writhing on the floor. "What did you say?" he blinks.

"I SAID YOUR PHONE KEEPS SCREAMING AND I NEED APPLES," he allegedly repeats.

He breathes deeply, "Ah, um, okay. Let me change first." He makes a final glance at his door before getting up.

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**Bears in the rain are dangerous.**

**Review if you'd like!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Back onto PLOT! Thanks for everyone's comments and the readers so far. C:**

**Just in case you didn't see it before, I don't own Death Note or anything officially related to it.**

**Have fun!**

* * *

It takes Light nearly a block and a half of walking to completely shake the dream; part of the problem might lie in the fact that he's making a midnight trip to the grocery store. He hates to admit it to himself, but he thought he saw a bear at least once or twice. What he should have done is question the text from Misa a little bit more. He_ knew_ her vaguely comprehensive grammar was suspicious! If only he hadn't answered the door, he might've gotten Dream L to tell him his name. It's not like he can use it, but it would have been interesting to see what his unconscious-self thought it was while in a state of lucidity.

On the plus side, the dream (he wouldn't call it a nightmare- that would imply he was afraid. Because it was more like a combination of scenarios that he has been expressing uncertainty towards, it was more like an anxiety dream), had given him clarity on how to gain L's trust. As sad as he is to say it, he's going to have to drop the bear plan. His mind must have been trying to tell him that it would seem unnatural to have a bear suddenly attack in a quiet, suburban neighborhood.

And that maybe, just maybe, he doesn't know how to train a bear…

He can train a shinigami, though. There can't be too much of a difference, can there? He's going to have to put 'train a bear' on his list of future goals as god of the new world, just to make up for his inability.

A sudden 'pi,pi, pi' of his cell phone reminds Light that someone tried to contact him earlier. He recognizes the sound as a signal for a missed call. Walking into the bright, fluorescent lighting of the grocery store, Light pulls out his phone.

**Missed Call: Yamamoto**

** New Text Message: Yamamoto**

_**Hey man, I heard you were having a study-thon tonight and thought you needed some fresh air. We're having a mixer at the usual karaoke place if you're interested.**_

Light notices that the message was sent about three hours ago. He feels a pang of guilt at ignoring his old friends for so long. Most of them existed purely for manipulation purposes: needing a quick date or some reason to be out of the house. But some of them, like Yamamoto, were actually nice to hang out with. He's nowhere near Light's caliber in intelligence, but he's fairly witty and shares Light's love of justice. Unfortunately, he _does_ have a horrible obsession with watching subtitled, classic American TV shows. Light can vividly remember many summer nights on Yamamoto's floor watching The Adam's Family. The humor was sup-par, and he couldn't understand why Yamamoto was laughing so hard, but at least it gave him something to do while school was out.

Assuming it's much too late for Light to make his grand entrance, he tries to muster an 'Oh shucks, sorry about that' feeling into his reply, without having to actually say 'Oh shucks'.

He's thinking 'Oh golly' doesn't sound very good either.

**Re:**

_** Sorry I missed you. I was about to study when I fell asleep, and I must've slept through the call. Hope you have a good time, we should get together later!**_

Light re-reads the message a few times, just a button away from sending. Does it sound too forced? The exclamation mark at the end might make Light look too excitable, but he doesn't want to appear solemn, then Yamamoto will think something's wrong. Mulling it over, Light drops four apples into a produce bag for Ryuk.

He takes the apples to the cashier, handing the bag to her personally. The employee gives Light a curious look as he fishes his wallet out. "You really like these apples, don't you?" She laughs.

Pausing mid-count of his change, Light looks up in surprise. Hiding his embarrassment, he takes a quick glance at her nametag, which read: Otsuka. He tries to remember if she'd seen him buying so many apples before, but he hasn't bothered to memorize the staff of all three grocery stores in his area.

He offers a light-hearted, disarming chuckle, "I wasn't aware anyone noticed me buying so many," he smiles. "I do like them though. Sometimes they're all I can eat." This is your fault, Ryuk. You're going to have to find your own apples if Light has to take the heat for you again. People don't need to think that Light, potential god of the new world, master of his own destiny and emperor of elegance, eats like a horse.

The girl giggles in return, scanning the apples a little slower than Light felt was necessary. "Oh, I see you with them all the time. You're Yagami-san, right?" She continues, already knowing the answer, "I'm Otsuka Tsukiko. We have a class together."

Otsuka Tsukiko. Otsuka Tsukiko. The genius' mind races, wondering which class he could possibly have with this girl, but most importantly, how often she sees him buying apples. It could be worse, though. Ryuk could have been addicted to doughnuts or, even worse, instant pudding. Light can't imagine having to take home four or five boxes of instant pudding every other day. Sayu would have a free-for-all with that, and he can never give her an opening to get leverage over him.

Light smiles apologetically, "I'm sorry, Otsuka-san, but I can't seem to remember what class we have together. Which is it? I can probably remember you then," he remedies. With this information, he'll be able to know what routes he should take in order to refrain from her seeing him buying apples again. Hopefully it won't be too out of his way.

"No problem. I sit in front of you, anyway," Otsuka smiles, taking his change. "We have Philanthropy together. You always get good grades, so I envy you a ton, but you probably hear that a lot."

He knew Philanthropy would be his bane. Hiding his distaste at the irony of the situation, Light feigns delight at having met an acquaintance by chance, "Oh, that's great! I'll have to look for you during our next class." He smiles and casually looks at his watch, "Well I have to get going, but it was nice talking to you, Otsuka-san. Have a nice night."

Otsuka blinks, mildly surprised to see their conversation end so quickly, "Oh, yeah, I'll see you around, Yagami-san!" She waves.

Light gives a curt wave and begins walking. With a sudden realization, he turns to look at Otsuka again. Seeing the back of her head, he knows exactly who she is.

Laptop Girl.

You know, it somehow didn't occur to him that Laptop Girl might have a real name or a life outside of class. She seemed to exist purely as an example of laziness and to copy off of her friends' homework. Oh well, just another reason for Light to tell Ryuk no when he wants apples at midnight.

Looking back at his forgotten text to Yamamoto, Light decides the exclamation mark adds a pinch of charisma to the message. He clicks the send button, feeling wholly satisfied with his charm.

On his way back to the house, Light gets the same spine-chilling feeling he had on the way to the store. The only problem is that he's pretty sure he didn't see a bear this time around. He tries to dismiss it. Knowing there's another world completely inhabited by gods of death, he figures there must be other things unknown to him as well. For all he knows, there could be some kind of invisible creature that exclusively haunts the street in front of his house! That would be exciting, albeit unlikely, but exciting nonetheless.

The student finally gets inside, but even after locking the door, he still feels slightly uneasy. He quietly climbs the stairs to his bedroom, not wanting to disturb anyone or have them, namely Sayu, question why he needed apples at this time of night. Lying to mom and dad is like breathing and walking at the same time. Lying to Sayu is like breathing and walking while he has a rock stuck in his shoe; it's completely possible, but pretty irritating.

Light notices his computer seems to have blue-screened while he was out. Incredibly, Ryuk had left the poor machine alone and is instead trying to busy himself with crawling around on Light's ceiling at top speeds, screaming all the while.

_Click_.

"LIGHT WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME."

"Calm down, Ryuk," Light offers the apples with a sigh, "And please stop screaming."

The shinigami immediately stiffens and falls from the roof. He tries to turn like a cat lading on its feet on the way down, but doesn't quite make it. Lifting the grocery bag from the boy's hand, he tears the plastic to shreds with his teeth.

"Frank rooh Right!" Ryuk tries to say.

"Couldn't you wait until I shut the curtains?" Light looks out the window exasperatedly, "You're lucky no one's out there."

Moving on to his computer, Light almost asks Ryuk what happened to it. He catches himself before opening his mouth, because he knows how much of a waste of effort that conversation would end up being. Luckily, all he had to do was restart it, and everything returned to normal. He still isn't sure what Ryuk did, but it didn't appear to be anything major.

Figuring he wasn't going to get any studying in for the night, Light decides to log onto Sayu's instant messenger instead. On stealth mode, as always.

**xoxoMisaMisaxoxo: **Offline

**L000000L: **Online

Seeing as it's pretty late, it makes sense for Misa to be asleep, though Light was still half-way certain that she would have a sixth sense and know exactly when he was logged on. Not yet tired himself, he sends a message to Ryuzaki to see how his case is doing.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **I see you're still awake. Have you finished your salesman case yet?

**L000000L: **More or less. Something else seems to have come up in the middle of it, however.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Ah, well if you ever need a hand, I'm never very busty.

**L000000L: **:)

_HydekiRyugaLuvr is typing…_

**L000000L: **Well if I may tell you, I've always found that attractive in a woman, Light-chan.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **I meant BUSY! I'm never very BUSY.

In front of his computer, Light tries not to shudder at the thought of Ryuzaki talking about an actual woman's breasts.

**L000000L: **Are you sure? I think I like the thought of a small-sized woman with a lot of free time. Perhaps you _could_ help me on the case…

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **You sound like a manager who flirts with all of his unpaid interns. Which is, in case you didn't realize, completely creepy.

**L000000L: **Mmm, yes, but not entirely illegal.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Oh really? In which countries?

**L000000L: **A lot of them. ;)

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Thankfully that's vague enough for me not to believe you.

_L000000L is typing…_

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Will you be able to make it on Sunday?

**L000000L: **What a shame…

**L000000L: **Pardon?

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **You suggested we go to Pop-Top Café while I was walking home from school. Since something new came up, I was wondering if you were still available.

Strange, it's really not like Ryuzaki to forget things, especially when he was the one who invited Light out in the first place…

**L000000L: **Ah, you are correct. And we're meeting there at 10:13, I assume I said?

Light isn't quite sure what's going on with Ryuzaki, but he's more than interested in finding out. He decides to pretend he doesn't notice and play along.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Did you forget? It's ten o'clock, but that's close enough.

**L000000L: **What an odd time…

**L000000L: **Do you mind if I bring someone along? He'll be looking like me, and I want you to do your best not to acknowledge or ask any questions about it.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Is it about your new case?

**L000000L: **Yes, Light-kun, I'm asking for your assistance.

Success, L is finally breaking down! All Light has to do is capitalize on this opportunity to help the detective, and he'll be _that_ much closer to his perfect world! He'd like to ask for details on the case, but he supposes that can wait for later.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **I don't mind helping you out, but don't count on me not asking questions after everything is said and done.

**L000000L: **Thank you so much for clearing some time out of your busy schedule for me, Light-kun. Forever am I in your debt. Truly, you are a god-send.

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **Oh, it's really no trouble, but you're welcome nonetheless.

**L000000L: **I see the martyr is still starving. Viciously it claws at the fresh compliment steak, naïve to the keeper that's thrown it…

**HydekiRyugaLuvr: **What?How on Earth am I a martyr?

**L000000L: **Quietly the keeper retreats into the shadows, watching the martyr in its habitat, waiting for the next feeding. The keeper smiles, his secret hidden.

_HydekiRyugaLuvr is typing…_

_**L000000L signed out.**_

What was that all about? Light spins around in his chair to watch Ryuk tying the strips of bag together, wondering if L was really joking or not. No matter what, he'll find out a thing or two on Sunday.

* * *

**Hopefully this was funny enough. This week's been awful.**

**Here's Yamamoto's wiki page: deathnote -dot- wikia -dot- com/ wiki/Yamamoto **

**Review if you'd like!**


End file.
